When I decided to put up this blog, I thought I wanted to share my stories with anyone out there who might want to look at problems with both hope and responsibility. Obviously, stating certain taboo things in my about me made me consider greatly whether i wanted to share it on my other personal social medias. Which i reluctantly decided to and i am STILL considering whether i want to disconnect auto sharing. Honestly, my aim is to be real and yet hopeful. It is not like i’m still not the Sharifah Aishya who lives a normal life with a loving and understanding mum and a well brought up family with friends, relatives and people i meet on a timely basis. Alhamdulillah.
Being vulnerable in this age is like, don’t. “Don’t let people think you have a problem”. But what is worse, is not knowing what is the problem and not taking action for it. Why is it that i said self-discovery helps to understand myself thus healed me. It did. Because what was once at the back and unknown, becomes a reality for me to face and to take responsibility for my own life. After all, we would all like to be the best version of ourselves. Until we know ouselves, then could we see for what reason our Creator created us for. Back in the days, i would be ‘crazier’ than how i am today. I would fall deeper into anxiety when things felt wrong. I would live unliberated. And that was because i didn’t know why i did what i did and made no effort in controlling myself. I just lose, lose myself in my ego. I forgot, that ego attached me to this world and therefore made me lived in fear umpteenth times.
The reason why i ended up talking about how i was before and how i live my life today, and not saying my desired purpose is for others to understand me better and to treat me with care.. is well.. a contradicting action, because (obviously) by creating this blog, i deeeaarly would like for my close ones to understand me. HAH (caught myself!)
But that’s right. I am not embarrassed to agree. I have an answer to it now. I also have a greater answer for it now. I never really had a chance to express my feelings, let alone be understood for why i do what i do. People leave, people misunderstood, people get hurt by me unintentionally. But growing up, however, have showed me, that it is all within. If you can change what’s inside, you can make do for what’s outside.
While it may be an ‘inherent quality’ than a ‘symptom to cure’,
- It takes patience to be nice.
- It takes iman to be better.
- It takes knowledge to know to do the right thing.
Thing is, while i’m fighting with myself, while i’m not perfect, will you still be there with me?
I am not merely talking to people with mental illness or of such.. I am also talking to normal people like you and me. Learn to let go..