Dear zindagi life lessons on freedom

Therapist: please tell your friend that sometimes we choose the tough path only because we feel that to achieve important things we have to take the tough path

We feel we need to punish ourselves

But why?

Why not choose the easy way out? What is so bad about it?

Especially when we are unprepared for the tough path

Why climb mountains when you are not ready to?

Would you tell this story to your friend? It’s.. it’s important.

Therapist: I’m going to ask you a question.

Have you bought a chair? Have you bought one?

And did you just go into a shop and buy the first chair you saw?

Kaira: No

Therapist: Exactly my point.

We look at so many different chairs until we find the right one

Some chairs may be comfortable but look like shit

Others look nice but are hard on the butt

So the process starts, chair after chair..

How many chairs we check out before we find that one chair?

So the point is,

If we look for so many options just to buy a chair

Then shouldn’t we look at options when choosing a life partner?

So.. dirty.. cheap.. fast.. no

Smart, clear, fine.. actually super fine.

Kaira: so the women in my dream who believe that marriage is the only acceptable relationship, I felt dirty because of them

Therapist: See you’ve figured it out yourself. You don’t need anybody’s help

Kaira: But the dangling camera, what does that mean? … just like my future, it’s hanging in the air..!

Therapist: Actually you know what, maybe you should sit on my chair and I should sit from here today

Kaira: it’s so cool. I wish the whole world could hear about your chair theory

Therapist: why is it important for the whole world to hear this?

Kaira: if they understand this chair theory they will stop judging others and what a beautiful world it will be

Therapist: no kaira. When you understand yourself well, then what others think of you doesn’t matter. Not at all.

Kaira: why cycle today?

Therapist: just breaking the pattern

Kaira: yes, should break it

you must be going insane listening to crazy people like me all day inside one room

Therapist: mm. Quite possible

Albert Einstein once said “An insane person is one who does the same thing over and over again and expects different results each time”

Kaira: by the way, Rumi, its over. Broken up

Therapist: why?

Kaira: can’t do it. It’s too much. He doesn’t fit in my I don’t know I can’t handle it it’s too much

Therapist: what’s too much? Did rumi did something wrong?

Kaira: no we were just wrong for each other. *shivers* not this chair

Therapist: shiver! Only happens when we feel cold or have a fever, or due to weather or sometimes people shiver when they are scared

Kaira: *cycles off* I just want to be free. Free from all of this

Therapist: ya ya. I also want you to be free, free from your fears

Therapist: you know.. as children, when we are sad, our elders tells us not to cry. When we are angry, they tell us ‘give us a smile’. You know why? Just to keep the peace at home. When we wanted to hate they didn’t allow us. So now when we want to love we suddenly find our whole emotional system is topsy-turvy. It cannot function. Sadness, anger, hate, we were not allowed to express anything. So now, how do we express love?

It’s okay to be angry sometimes, even with parents. It’s good, it’s healthy, it’s okay kaira.

Above are a few dialogues from the movie ‘dear zindagi’. The plot centers on a budding cinematographer named Kaira, who is discontented with her life and meets Dr. Jehangir, a free-spirited psychologist who helps her to gain a new perspective on her life.


There were a lot more quotes and conversations in the movie that were great given advice and scenes that were very touching and true, but if I were to type it all out it will be so much longer than this. This movie also shows a lot about the stereotype of those who seek therapy. “When people have a physical illness, they go to the hospital, its fine. But if someone has a mental illness, they don’t talk about it. They see themselves as crazy.” But after the end of her therapy and the beginning of her newfound state, only made possible by her therapist who were like her confidant and life teacher, Kaira grew confident and later became successful in her career. Having killed two birds with one stone, she finally attracted the right man into her life. It left me with so much emotions, making me realize why being a counsellor resonates in me, because in a therapeutic relationship you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you feel all kinds of emotions and you allow intimacy in order to heal. And when true healing takes place, joy towards life can then fill you. As what the character, Dr Jehangir says in the movie “if you can’t cry wholeheartedly, then how will you laugh wholeheartedly” It’s amazing how these movie industries uses their talents to convey important messages such as this. I must say it’s very different from those over the top Bollywood movies where there’s singing and dancing and also filled with dramatic love storyline, this movie is definitely a more down to earth with realistic views. Worth the watch!

I am sure

When I decided to put up this blog, I thought I wanted to share my stories with anyone out there who might want to look at problems with both hope and responsibility. Obviously, stating certain taboo things in my about me made me consider greatly whether i wanted to share it on my other personal social medias. Which i reluctantly decided to and i am STILL considering whether i want to disconnect auto sharing. Honestly, my aim is to be real and yet hopeful. It is not like i’m still not the Sharifah Aishya who lives a normal life with a loving and understanding mum and a well brought up family with friends, relatives and people i meet on a timely basis. Alhamdulillah.

Being vulnerable in this age is like, don’t. “Don’t let people think you have a problem”. But what is worse, is not knowing what is the problem and not taking action for it. Why is it that i said self-discovery helps to understand myself thus healed me. It did. Because what was once at the back and unknown, becomes a reality for me to face and to take responsibility for my own life. After all, we would all like to be the best version of ourselves. Until we know ouselves, then could we see for what reason our Creator created us for. Back in the days, i would be ‘crazier’ than how i am today. I would fall deeper into anxiety when things felt wrong. I would live unliberated. And that was because i didn’t know why i did what i did and made no effort in controlling myself. I just lose, lose myself in my ego. I forgot, that ego attached me to this world and therefore made me lived in fear umpteenth times.


The reason why i ended up talking about how i was before and how i live my life today, and not saying my desired purpose is for others to understand me better and to treat me with care.. is well.. a contradicting action, because (obviously) by creating this blog, i deeeaarly would like for my close ones to understand me. HAH (caught myself!)

But that’s right. I am not embarrassed to agree. I have an answer to it now. I also have a greater answer for it now. I never really had a chance to express my feelings, let alone be understood for why i do what i do. People leave, people misunderstood, people get hurt by me unintentionally. But growing up, however, have showed me, that it is all within. If you can change what’s inside, you can make do for what’s outside.

While it may be an ‘inherent quality’ than a ‘symptom to cure’,

  • It takes patience to be nice.
  • It takes iman to be better.
  • It takes knowledge to know to do the right thing.

Thing is, while i’m fighting with myself, while i’m not perfect, will you still be there with me?

I am not merely talking to people with mental illness or of such.. I am also talking to normal people like you and me. Learn to let go..

Sometimes I am wrong..

I would like to start with this..

Sometimes I feel like a failure. Because I cannot hold up as good as people does. Sometimes I break. I falter. I fall. Sometimes I’m angry. I grieve. I regress. Sometimes, I have bad days. Sometimes, I make mistakes. Sometimes I’m hurt but I dare not to say it. It’s like walking on eggshells. Then sometimes I nitpick on my character too much. What is it wrong that I do? How can I improve? But I’m sorry, sometimes my soul is not perfect. And I’m sorry I have to apologize for not being good enough.

I am not strong everyday. Yes I feel that I need to help others, but what if i experience burn out from my own psychological health. Sometimes the help is really just to myself. Sometimes I know that I need to heal myself.

You can’t expect people to forgive and accept you, if you don’t forgive and accept yourself. I feel enough, to feel okay, and I think that is important.

A character trait of a person with a Borderline Personality Disorder, is that we have intense feelings. Filled with insecurities in many areas of our lives in which we subconsciously blame ourselves for it. Thus it could unintentionally lead to being in a depressive state if we are not allowed to validate our own feelings and personal injustice. Yet on the other hand we crave harmony and balance and sometimes we are so attached to what was broken. Thus the greatest lesson I learn everyday is to forgive and accept yourself..